The Death of Common Courtesy

An incident ocurred to me about a year and a half ago. I wrote about it with the intent to make a submission to our local paper. I never submitted it.  However, my wife has urged me to publish it somewhere anyway. She thought it was pretty good writing.  So here for all the world to read (at least all two of my readers) is my belated article.

Friend found dead in hospital parking lot

It was a cold and snowy Friday night, December 19, 2008 at the Mountain West Medical Center in Tooele. An unsuspecting bystander sat shivering in the cold parking lot behind the Intensive Care Unit. Suddenly there was a flash of headlights and the crunch of metal and glass. It was unclear what happened. Perhaps there was a failure to check a blind spot in a foggy window. More likely, the thin sheet of ice on the parking lot created an unavoidable slide into the rear end of a parked vehicle. Whatever the cause, the bystander never knew what hit him…because the driver of the other vehicle disappeared into the night, never to be heard from again.

Meanwhile, the injured bystander lay gasping in the parking lot, praying for someone to rescue him. He lay only yards from discovery and help. His friend—an ICU nurse called in at the last minute to help with a staff shortage— was just inside the building caring for severely ill patients who would have rather been spending this holiday season in the warmth of their own homes and the comfort of their families. The nurse was unaware that his friend lay injured and freezing out in the parking lot. It was not until morning that the news of the accident reached the nurse.

At first, the news was only disappointing; it seemed that the tail light and rear fender of the nurse’s car had been smashed. It was an aging car that was in need of repair anyway. Perhaps it was not worth getting upset over. But, then came the news of the nurse’s friend. It seems that the person responsible for the accident had fled the scene and that no one discovered the victim until it was too late. Then disappointment turned to grief and mourning. The nurse’s friend, Common Courtesy, had bled, suffocated and succumbed to death. It was a needless death which could have been prevented by a little courage to speak up.

This is a true story. It is a story that is played out every day all over the world with increasing frequency. I mourn the loss of my friend (yes, I was the unfortunate nurse). I mourn the state of mankind that is worsened by this type of behavior. The loss is particularly poignant at this time of year when we all seem to preach and hope for more “peace on earth and good will toward men.” If our hearts are so full of good will why do we continue push, shove and growl at each other in the shopping lines? Why do we hurt each other and refuse to take responsibility?

Unfortunately, there is a cycle of action and reaction that is largely responsible for the death of Common Courtesy and other such social values. It is a cycle that is driven by fear, greed, anger and pride. The cycle often plays out something like this:

Mr. Smith accidently smashes into Mr. Jones’ parked car. Mr. Smith experiences fear of the repercussions of this event (i.e., the cost to repair the damage, possible civil/criminal consequences, increased insurance costs, a possible angry reaction from Mr. Jones). He may also feel embarrassed, because he believes he is a better driver and should have been able to avoid the accident. He does not want to admit failure or weakness. Fortunately, no one saw him do it, so if he just leaves and says nothing he can avoid having to face his fears and swallow his pride. Of course, Mr. Smith is a generally decent person, but the pain and sacrifice of having to confess and make reparations seems to be far worse than the small guilt he will feel for just walking away. A thousand justifications come to mind to soothe his conscience and tell him it will be okay if he just leaves and tells no one—so he does.

Later, Mr. Jones comes out and discovers his damaged car and is incensed because of the loss, which is now compounded by the fact that the culprit is not available to mete out justice upon. “If I could get my hands on whoever did this,” he thinks, “I would wring every last penny (and then some) out of them to pay for this damage! That would teach him to hit and run! If it were me, I would at least have the decency to take responsibility.” He then goes away fuming, and spouting to all who will listen how wronged he has been and how he will ensure that justice is served if ever he has chance to face the perpetrator.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say that Mr. Smith’s conscience won out and he sought out and reported the accident to Mr. Jones. To his surprise Mr. Jones rakes him over the coals and demands that he pay for the full repair of the car or he will sue him for damages and punishment. Mr. Smith is truly sorry, but is now facing what he feared would happen. He was just laid off and doesn’t have sufficient cash or insurance to cover the immediate repair of the car. He pleads for understanding but finds none and is forced to come up with some way to pay the price for his mistake. He leaves the confrontation devastated, but also angry that Mr. Jones could be so cruel and unsympathetic towards his circumstance. “How can this be fair,” he questions? “No one saw me. I should have just left and spared myself the pain and embarrassment. Next time, I will.”

And thus it goes day in and day out. Increasingly, the thoughtless and dishonest Mr. Smiths victimize the unfortunate Mr. Joneses. In turn the self-serving, angry Mr. Joneses punish the remorseful and well-meaning Mr. Smiths. The result of this cycle is the death of virtues that were once said to be “common”. Virtues like courtesy, sense, decency and integrity. Our litigious and self-serving society seems so busy demanding justice, individual rights and fairness that we find ourselves blindly rewarding the selfish, prideful, dishonest, and ignorant while punishing those with decency, integrity, and good sense. It is behaviorism at its best. Only, we find ourselves upholding the undesirable and destroying the desirable.

I can’t say exactly what my response would have been to the person who damaged my car if they had come and found me. I hope it would have been a response of understanding and forgiveness. I hope the person would have offered or agreed to repair the damage. If not I hope I would have had the patience to accept what I cannot change. If any of this would have happened, my friend, Common Courtesy, may not have died, but would have lived to hopefully become a friend to others.

My hope is not lost, though. I believe we as a society have the ability to save and even resurrect Common Courtesy and his fellow virtues. As for me, I will do my part to treat others with the courtesy my departed friend would want me to. Maybe then it will inspire others to do the same. And maybe, if enough of us commit ourselves to the behavior that these virtues produce, we will resurrect them and ensure their long and happy existence among us. And peace on earth and goodwill among men would become a reality.

P.S. If the person who hit my car is reading this, I would still be greatly consoled by a simple “I’m sorry”. If you would like to help fix my car in some way, that would be nice. In any case, I will be content with the apology. I honestly hope, with all sincerity, that you have a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

Revival, Hope, and Patience

I've been meaning to "revive" this blog for some time now.  I actually tried some months ago. I started by changing the template, and in the process screwed a number of things up. I haven't taken the time to fix it 'til now. The design is still bland, but I hope to remedy that before too long.

I have also intended to expand the scope of my content from my motorcycle-centered topics to more general and soul-centered content. I can only write so many times about my commute. I think my title will remain the same, though. The content will now reflect the winds that blow through my mind as well as my head, whether I'm riding or not.

To start off with I want to mention just a couple of dozen's of thoughts that I've had today. General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints started today. I love this time of year, as well as the Semi-annual conference in October. I come to enjoy the talks given by inspired men and women of God more and more each year. I am left with the desire to immerse myself in their words continually for the next six month, and then find myself wondering why I don't. I'll probably touch on several talks and ideas by several different speakers over the next few weeks as I read and re-read their words, but I want to mention a couple inspirational ideas now.

First, Elder Wilford W. Andersen of the Seventy spoke about Hope.  There is such a great need for hope in this world today. I have such a great need for Hope. There is so much that seems to seek to grind, beat and maim my will to hope and be happy. Sometimes I feel surrounded by filth and anger, dishonesty, destruction and despair within and without.  I have often thought, "How does one carry on in the face of such devastation?"  Elder Andersen spoke of the example of the early LDS saints as they were driven by violent mobs from their homes in Nauvoo, IL. The words of many of those saints echoed a common sentiment, "Their hearts were broken, but their spirits were strong." He compared this to the recent calamities that the saints in Haiti have experienced. They have suffered devastating losses. However, their hearts may be broken but their spirits are strong. The lesson to be learned is that, "hope and happiness and joy are not products of circumstance, but faith in the Lord."

I don't know how many times I have found myself born down by the weight of despair and unmet hopes and expectations thinking that if only my circumstances were different, I could be happy. While I know in my head that true and lasting happiness comes from faith in the Lord, it is frequently difficult for me to get my heart to understand the practical exercise of this concept. "Hope comes as a result of faith. If we would rebuild our hope, we must rebuild our faith.... True faith requires work.... Faith grows by keeping the commandments. We must work at keeping the commandments.... When we strive to keep the commandments of God, repenting of our sins, and promising our best efforts to follow the Savior, we begin to grow in confidence that, through the atonement, everything will be all right." I am beginning to finally learn that I truly can find happiness through righteousness regardless of my circumstances. And through sincere righteousness, I can find the patience to wait for the promises of the Lord, namely a fullness of joy, to come in His own time and in His own way.

That leads to the next thought I want to touch on, which is patience. I'm am certainly not a very patient person. I recognize this as being a significant source of my disappointments. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke on patience during the General Priesthood session tonight and I found myself convicted with guilt, but inspired to be better. He taught that patience is a precious virtue at the center of a godly character. The lack of patience is a symptom of selfishness. The power of the Priesthood of God functions primarily on the virtue of patience. That is why we are given the Priesthood. It refines our character and prepares us for our eternal reward through the patience that is required as we serve others.

I am determined to be more patient. More patient with my family, my friends, my colleagues and especially with myself and the Lord. As with hope, I must trust that all things will work out in the Lord's good time. It is selfish of me to expect the Lord to cater to my every whim as if I were a spoiled child demanding that He please me right now. "The promises of the Lord, if not always swift, are always certain.... Knowledge and understanding often come at the price of patience.... In your patience you win mastery of your soul (Luke 21:19)."

I could go on and on with the many nuggets of truth and inspirational feelings that I have felt today, but I will continue later. Whoever you are, if you're reading this, I greatly encourage you to go and read or listen to the words of these servants of God again and again. They are true and they are the words of life.